At times I have realized this strange but yet quite
delightful phenomenon about me that when I get deeply engrossed into something
from my heart and soul, I get attached to each and every small entity and
emotion associated with that particular thing as well. Yes, it happens in the
case of person too but we can discuss that some time later through some other
write-up. The thought crossed my mind so many times as I used to often feel it.
At times I ignored or find it stupid to accept but can thoughts ever leave a
writer? .So I was pondering over it trying to find the reason behind this behaviour
about being attached to small yet significant things before I succumbed to
accepting the fact that yes I do get attached to every small thing and
somewhere is also quite happy and about it.
Apart from me one of a dear friend of mine too noticed
this particular habit of mine. While we were discussing about our writing
journey and sharing our dreams over a cup of coffee he said to me-
“You know Mani, why this happens with you?
Why, I too asked very inquisitively?
It happens because you possess fear of losing, which overpowers
your heart and hence you just can’t tolerate the thought of parting away from
even a small thing you love from your life which is already yours, said he.
I realized this and now accepted the fact that attachment
to each n every small thing associated with me, my work, my writing or as per
anything which is very close to me and my heart is blended in my intrinsic
nature. It is the way I am and somewhere it draws me more near to the similar.
Is what I am writing sounding like a puzzle to you right
now? If yes, then let me unfold the layers and explain what and how? Let me
explain it through “something”
which has
effortlessly clambered in my life and with every passing moment it is blending
me deep within and in the process is unleashing the real ME.
It is strange and true that at times when I get tired and
shattered from the dismays of life I feel it to be the most important reason to
keep me going on. It has given me new dimensions, beliefs, energy, recognition,
love n support, new acquaintances, a new horizon, and above all “DREAMS”. I know only one thing that whether something
happens in life or not but this should never stop. It is my “WRITING” so special to me and hence each and every small thing
which becomes a part of it naturally become special hence probably the reason
for my attachment as well as respect.
I am still not being able to categorize it and I really
don’t want to as I love the things raw and candid. They are pure and deep that
way. I don’t know it is my love, passion, need, something else or nothing. I
have no idea about ordinary, good, bad, extraordinary, famous, and non-famous.
I just don’t know and at times really don’t feel to know. For me writing is
just writing as simple, deep and meaningful as it is. I like to keep things simple just as they are.
“I write what I feel, writing heals”. It is
like a joy to my soul hence very special to me.
Every small thing related to my writing- My room, my desk
at office (abode of my first writing which I took seriously), my laptop, the
small diary I possess, my phone (my biggest rescue when I have nothing in hand
to save thoughts), my cup of mocha , music (like food to me and often the
reason to take me off from the surroundings because peaceful surroundings are
just a far story from my life), the random scribbling here n there, my blog, my
page, my buddies with their incessant love n support, my emotions, I, ME,
MYSELF...and the list is endless. I am quite possessive about each and
everything associated with my writing. Needless to mention so am I with each
and every verse & writing of mine be it drafts or completed.
 |
| My Cup of Mocha |
 |
| My phone |
 |
| My lappy n the small diary |
It is the same case with me in every aspect of my life
when anything or anyone becomes special to me in my life, I get attached to each
and everything associated with that otherwise me as a person is as reluctant to
not even care not because I covet or not, it is just that it doesn’t entices me
to get attached. In simple words there is no feeling. For me things should come
effortlessly otherwise they never pull me enough to be the real ME with them.
I always feel- “My
emotions only know extreme just nothing in between”. I can’t dwell in
between it has to be either this way or that way.
So does it happen with you as well? I am sure it must be
happening with you also that when your heart is close to something, you
automatically get attached to every small thing associated with that particular
thing as well. Ask a painter what their painting stand, brushes, colours,
canvas, and each and every painting mean to them. Ask a dancer what their
costume, music, accessories, and mentor mean to them. Ask a singer or a
musician what their musical instruments or a sportsperson, technician,
programmer, anyone in case who is deeply engrossed in any activity or
profession from their heart and soul what their paraphernalia means to them.
If asked me- “They
mean the world to them” A world which allows them to be very candid, original,
and let them be just themselves”.
Leaving you with a thought my dear ones- “Have you too ever
felt this way” What is your opinion on the similar?
 |
| While I was crafting this creation |
I am still pondering on and let’s see if I can come up
with some deeper thoughts through a different aspect again next time associated
with attachment in our lives...
WHEN I WAS LOST IN ME...
@Copyright 2012- Manisha Bhatia
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